That’s the question that I was told to ask myself when I feel out of control with anxiety. What’s the worst case scenario? If you can identify exactly what you’re scared of then it’s easier to make a plan on how you’re going to prevent that from happening.

So, what’s the worst case scenario? That my daughter never understands how much I love her. That she grows up thinking that I abandoned her. I’ve really fucked it up. I told myself that I was doing it all for her, but I was selfish. I was greedy. I was unhappy with my life, so I worked too hard I ran away. I wasn’t there when she needed me. I gave myself a million excuses, I never missed the “important” things like school programs, but I missed a lot of bedtimes…but I was doing it “for her”. Bullshit.

Now that I’ve identified the WCS, what am I going to do? Starting now:
1. Every minute counts. Every minute that I’m lucky enough to have my daughter with me counts. Every minute.
2. Find a hobby. I’m going to ask her what she wants to do, and we’re going to do it together every week at a minimum.
3. Tell her everyday that she’s the strongest, smartest, boldest girl I’ve ever known, and that I’m so in love with her and so proud of her.
4. Talk to her. Real conversations.
5. Be silly together.
6. Family dinner every night. No more eating on the couch in front of the TV, unless it’s a fun movie night theme. Dinner at the table, with real conversation.
7. Sack lunches at least twice a week, with a sweet note inside. Carpools, and more sleepovers with friends.

What’s the best case scenario with this plan? My daughter never feels like she has to be brave for mommy. She realizes that she means everything to me, and that as soon as I realized I could do better I did everything I could to be better. She remembers the last few years as just a blip. She’s happy. She knows that she’s loved more than anything in the world. She forgives me.